Warned you in the beginning, laziness and work will definitely get in the way of any sort of update schedule.
Anyway, through several posts about irony recently stumbled upon in succession, meaning lot's of references to how Alanis Morissette's Ironic doesn't come close to actually describing irony,(which may be ironic, perhaps that was her true goal) and a bit of pre sleep thinking, I've decided to give Ms. Morissette's lyrics some back story to help them fit with the perceived theme of the song.
(Only some, cause some are just stupid.)
Ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.
Our intrepid hero has at last reached the dragon of common gossip. Alas, we see that the dragon has magically taken away all the weaponry our hero has gathered during his journey, a useful skill that has undoubtedly aided our dragon in successfully living within walking distance of humanity. Now the dragon speaks.
"You have no power here human, but I will not destroy you immediately. Instead I shall give you a chance to win your freedom, to fight me or to run, the choice will be yours. To do this you must cut me a slice of this bread." he says, pulling out a large loaf of the a fore mentioned source of grains. "I am in the mood for toast you see. Anyway, to do this you may pick from any one pile of my hoard to find something to cut it with. I assure you one of them holds a blade somewhere. You can have, oh, a day, since I have such nice big piles."
Our hero looks at the trove of coins, gems, cups, statues, and other shiny items, but doesn't see a hint of a blade in pile after pile. Suddenly, his eyes light on a large pile of silverware. Surely, a knife could be found here. Running to the pile he pulls out a spoon, and another one, and another. throwing them all behind him as he desperately searches for any hint of a wedge. The day drags as the pile of spoons behind the man grows larger. How could one dragon get so many spoons without even a fork, a pair of chopsticks, one of those shovel things for eating gelato, or even a spork, which are hard not to come across in the world these days? Finally, the man trembles as the dragon rumbles.
"Time's up. Should have looked six piles further."
The man stumbles, exhausted, but now desperately needing to see this pile he missed. He passes forks, chopsticks of varying form, material, and decoration, colorful plastic shovel things, both big and small, an enormous pile of sporks, foons, spifes, knorks, and fines (how did he miss that?), and a large stack of small plastic blocks that formed the shape of a tomato wearing a fedora. Finally, he stares blankly at the large clearing around a single golden, ridged, bread knife.
"And isn't it ironic? Don't you think?" whispers a voice just behind the man, sending a tingle of pure dread through him.
......Ok, I may need to do this in parts. Also, remember kids, read all the answers before filling in a circle.
Edit: Looking back, that story doesn't really have anything ironic in it. Unfortunate, sure, but ironic? No.
