LP: TCB Chapter 2

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Chapter 2: Food and family

So what does you uncle do, exactly?

Oh, nothing much these days. He makes investments, I suppose. Stock market and all that. He used to be in the Army though.





Oh?

 Yeah, he was a colonel in the war with Spain, though he got wounded so he's been wheelchair bound longer than I've been alive. You'll want to call him Colonel by the way, or sir, but he prefers Colonel. Says he “worked hard to earn that title so people are damn well going to use it!”

 Lillian, language!

 Oh come on, it's not that big a deal. Besides, I was only quoting. Don't you English types hold the sanctity of accurate quoting sacred or something?

Oh fine, and thanks for the heads up.

Krakathoom!

Sweet banana pudding!

 ...

 ...

 What?

 ...Nothing.

 Jeeves! Don't you remember me? It's Lillian! I brought a friend with me for the reunion. Laura, this is Jeeves. He's been Uncle Henri's butler since I was little.

  Hello.

 Greetings miss. The others have already arrived. Please come in and join them. Now that you're here dinner shall commence shortly.
 You may leave your things with me and I will have them brought to your room. You are staying in the room next to the old nursery, Miss Lillian.

 Okay, come on Laura. Jeeves, you simply wouldn't believe what happened on our way here!

 You are probably correct Miss Lillian.

 Good evening to you all. Nice to see you still cease you verbal abuse of one another when I put food in front of you. It makes it so much easier to decide when to show up. Now,

As you all know, I'm a very wealthy man. I've prided myself on my wise investments and I've put away almost every dime.




Certainly didn't spend much of it on repairing your house.





 However, I believe my end to be near and have decided to bequeath my fortune to all of you at this table.

 Oh?

 Hmm? Who might you be young lady?

 I'm a friend of Lillian sir. Laura Bow, pleased to meet you.

 I see. As I was saying, everyone at this table except, of course, Lillian's friend, Laura.

 Phoo.

 I should certainly think not Henri.

 If you ask me, you barely have more claim than she does, Gertie.

 I beg your pardon? And it is Gertrude to you, you old drunkard!

AHEM! Anyway, as I have said, you're all inheriting my money, and you will inherit equally when I go. That said, if any of you should die before I do, your share will be distributed equally among the surviving parties. That is all. I'm tired now, Fifi. Help me back up to my room. Goodnight all.

 The old goat!

 I'm surprised he didn't try to take it with him!

 He's such an old skinflint!

 I don't think you deserve any money!

Speak for yourself!

 How much do you think he's got?

 Well, I know what I'm going to do with MY share!

YOUR SHARE?! I bet the old codger outlives YOU!












 I wonder how sick he is?

 Do you think he's gonna go soon?

 Come on Laura, I'm choking on all of the family values in here.

Okay.

Really Ethel, one would think you would be able to control your daughter by now. At the least, you should be able to keep her from spouting off ridiculous stories. You'd never catch Gloria making up nonsense like “Gator-clubs”.

 Quite right, mother. I stick to sensible topics like the story about a Chinaman pretending to be a white Quaker in order to take over a fleet of whaling ships so he can  transport African gold or the one with two women fighting in a locked bedroom over the unconscious body of their ex and current husband, respectively, who fell into that state by slipping on a banana peel. Those are are completely legitimate stories and make for fine topics when discussing the cinema.

 Quite right, dear.


 

Next time: We finally get to play the game, probably.

Fun Fact: The “Jeeves the butler” stereotype is based off Jeeves the valet from the Jeeves and Wooster short stories by P.G. Wodehouse, first published in 1915. Wodehouse took the name from cricket player Percy Jeeves after seeing a match on a holiday in Wensleydale  and deciding the name would be good for one of his characters.