Yes, the Tortuga Five. Spoken of in legend and prophecy on both sides of the war. Their arrival would lay waste to the plans of the Penguin Empire and give new strength, both in power and moral, to the armies of the turtles.
No one knows what the Five really are, but according to one legend: when the Five appear all shall rejoice and tremble, for their coming shall herald a new age, and their steps shall shake the foundations of the world, thus the trembling bit. There has been much controversy among the penguins who have heard this particular version, for why would they rejoice the oncoming of those who are obviously turtle in origin (yes, the penguins know their Spanish well enough to figure out that part) since the trembling is clearly explained by the legend.
At this time only the upper echelons of the Penguin forces are aware of the power of the "crystal cloud" or else the turtles would make a strong effort to gain the drug in an attempt to secure victory.
And that, ladies, gentlemen, and ferrets, is why you are told to not feed the sea turtles crack.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
Sea Turtles
Don't feed the sea turtles crack.
Never mind where I got that sentence from, that's not important. The real question is what does it mean? No, not that answer. The one that leads us to a more interesting question and could be said to look at a bigger picture.
Now we want to know why they don't want us to feed these nice reptiles hard drugs.
Oh sure, there's the obvious answer. You could say that it wouldn't be healthy for the animals, that they would get addicted and turn to a life of crime on the oceanic streets to fuel their ever growing need for the "white sand", as the hatchlings call it, that they can only obtain from their dealers on shore, but really now, lets try to be a little more creative ok?
First, let us identify this "they" who are trying to make the rules for the common people. These are people who have a great interest in seeing that the humble Cheloniidae are denied their right to the crack we could offer them. These are the people who fear what the sea turtles could become, could evolve, into if they had access to the "egg dust", and truly, there could be only one culprit who fits this description. The Penguins!
That's right, all of them.
The Penguins know that, were the sea turtles to get their flippers on a source of "dry ice"(melts in your mouth, not in your hands), then that would turn the tide of the ongoing war that has raged beneath the waves for centuries. What they fear most, is the coming of the Tortuga Five.
Next time: The what now?
Never mind where I got that sentence from, that's not important. The real question is what does it mean? No, not that answer. The one that leads us to a more interesting question and could be said to look at a bigger picture.
Now we want to know why they don't want us to feed these nice reptiles hard drugs.
Oh sure, there's the obvious answer. You could say that it wouldn't be healthy for the animals, that they would get addicted and turn to a life of crime on the oceanic streets to fuel their ever growing need for the "white sand", as the hatchlings call it, that they can only obtain from their dealers on shore, but really now, lets try to be a little more creative ok?
First, let us identify this "they" who are trying to make the rules for the common people. These are people who have a great interest in seeing that the humble Cheloniidae are denied their right to the crack we could offer them. These are the people who fear what the sea turtles could become, could evolve, into if they had access to the "egg dust", and truly, there could be only one culprit who fits this description. The Penguins!
That's right, all of them.
The Penguins know that, were the sea turtles to get their flippers on a source of "dry ice"(melts in your mouth, not in your hands), then that would turn the tide of the ongoing war that has raged beneath the waves for centuries. What they fear most, is the coming of the Tortuga Five.
Next time: The what now?
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
And Now, A Field Report
News guy: "Today a local village was viciously raided by a roving band of miscreant sheep.
These sheep are believed to be a by product of the "Wouldn't It Be Cool If Animals Could Shoot Lasers Association" also known as the WIB CAI CSLA, or "those crazy laser guys" as the locals know them. It is also widely believed that this organization had a hand in the unfortunate mass blinding in the Mirror Dome last fall."
"Apart from the ability to shoot lasers, which we are told come in a variety of interesting and mesmerizing colors and effects, the sheep seem to have gained the ability to fire spears from their front hooves."
"Yes, that's right. Wooden spears with flint tips, bound and everything, from their front hooves."
"This particular development may suggest a cooperative effort between the aforementioned Association and several drunken graduate students who have double majored in Genetics and Archaeology. Of the latter field, they appear to have chosen the Neolithic period for study."
"Were here now with one of the locals who was on the scene when the sheep appeared. Tell us sir, what happened to you?"
Local "dude": "It was crazy man, this sheep was running through town shooting lasers all over the place, and I was like whoaooah, nice effects, cause really man, that was soo cool, when suddenly I think the force of the laser pushed it back or something cause it was on its hind legs and looking kinda surprised, for a sheep I mean, and then whoosh! Out come these spears right at me."
*gesturing towards his body* "You can see where one grazed me a bit right here on my arm and where the other totally went through my leg."
News guy: "Excuse me sir, I had been informed that medical attention had been administered to those in need. Why is it you retain your.....injury?"
Local "dude": "Whys it still there? Well, I dunno. I never really thought about it until now. I guess I want to just kinda keep it to remember the occasion you know? Dancing is gonna be a bit weird without hitting people, but hey, that's the price of having a spear in your leg right? ,,,,,umm yeah thats about all I got to say"
News guy: "And that's the news live from the scene. Bob, Dena, this is Johnny Whoahthisisgonnabeaweirdname McAwesome turning it back to you.
Dena: Well thanks Johnny. Coming up after this break: Scientists discover new material they're calling air, and it could be in your home. Find out more, after this. *cue commercial*
"Apart from the ability to shoot lasers, which we are told come in a variety of interesting and mesmerizing colors and effects, the sheep seem to have gained the ability to fire spears from their front hooves."
"Yes, that's right. Wooden spears with flint tips, bound and everything, from their front hooves."
"This particular development may suggest a cooperative effort between the aforementioned Association and several drunken graduate students who have double majored in Genetics and Archaeology. Of the latter field, they appear to have chosen the Neolithic period for study."
"Were here now with one of the locals who was on the scene when the sheep appeared. Tell us sir, what happened to you?"
Local "dude": "It was crazy man, this sheep was running through town shooting lasers all over the place, and I was like whoaooah, nice effects, cause really man, that was soo cool, when suddenly I think the force of the laser pushed it back or something cause it was on its hind legs and looking kinda surprised, for a sheep I mean, and then whoosh! Out come these spears right at me."
*gesturing towards his body* "You can see where one grazed me a bit right here on my arm and where the other totally went through my leg."
News guy: "Excuse me sir, I had been informed that medical attention had been administered to those in need. Why is it you retain your.....injury?"
Local "dude": "Whys it still there? Well, I dunno. I never really thought about it until now. I guess I want to just kinda keep it to remember the occasion you know? Dancing is gonna be a bit weird without hitting people, but hey, that's the price of having a spear in your leg right? ,,,,,umm yeah thats about all I got to say"
News guy: "And that's the news live from the scene. Bob, Dena, this is Johnny Whoahthisisgonnabeaweirdname McAwesome turning it back to you.
Dena: Well thanks Johnny. Coming up after this break: Scientists discover new material they're calling air, and it could be in your home. Find out more, after this. *cue commercial*
Monday, August 10, 2009
Ponyo
Ever since I saw Princess Mononoke on VHS I suppose you could have called me a Hayou Miyazaki fan. So it was with joy that I saw a trailer for a new film from Studio Ghibli. I wasn't allowed to embed the video I could find on the net so you may find it here.
Naturally, for me, the very first impressions were amusement at the sheer amount of name milking that Disney is doing, even though they really only have one, maybe two, films that went on the U.S. big screen. The other interesting note, that I admit may have have nothing to do with Disney at all, is the fact that the title looks remarkably similar to the one for Finding Nemo.
Ok, so besides Disney's obvious, and maybe subtle, attempts to really market this thing, there are some unusual aspects for those familiar with the recent Miyazaki stuff. For one, the main character is, if not male, not obviously female. This isn't unheard of, but it is a theme with him. Also, while the trailer is not the whole thing, its a little surprising that we don't get a clear indicator of a male-female relationship somewhere in the works among our main character. From what I see, there are only two women shown, and they both look like women, not young girls questing to find their path and really set down that path towards mature womanhood (again, a common theme).
As far as the weird stuff, yeah, I'm pretty curious about what the deal with the shield? of tiny clone babies is. All the same, I'm looking forward to this. I've kind of started to miss animated movies now that almost everything that isn't live action thats aiming at the family friendly market is pure CG.
Next time: Your local news report.
Naturally, for me, the very first impressions were amusement at the sheer amount of name milking that Disney is doing, even though they really only have one, maybe two, films that went on the U.S. big screen. The other interesting note, that I admit may have have nothing to do with Disney at all, is the fact that the title looks remarkably similar to the one for Finding Nemo.
Ok, so besides Disney's obvious, and maybe subtle, attempts to really market this thing, there are some unusual aspects for those familiar with the recent Miyazaki stuff. For one, the main character is, if not male, not obviously female. This isn't unheard of, but it is a theme with him. Also, while the trailer is not the whole thing, its a little surprising that we don't get a clear indicator of a male-female relationship somewhere in the works among our main character. From what I see, there are only two women shown, and they both look like women, not young girls questing to find their path and really set down that path towards mature womanhood (again, a common theme).
As far as the weird stuff, yeah, I'm pretty curious about what the deal with the shield? of tiny clone babies is. All the same, I'm looking forward to this. I've kind of started to miss animated movies now that almost everything that isn't live action thats aiming at the family friendly market is pure CG.
Next time: Your local news report.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Oh Dear
I may have done something bad.
I've recently been playing around on Omegle. For those unaware, Omegle is a chat site. Specifically it is a place where you chat with strangers. Each chat is entirely randomized and the only names you get are "You" and "Stranger". Unsurprisingly to internet veterans, this means you get a lot of people looking for text sex. You also get people who start a chat, say something weird, get a reaction, and then leave. To be fair, you will find some people just looking for a regular chat, it just might not be on your first connection.
Back to the story at hand, I was going through my fair share of disconnecting horny maniacs (they generally go away if they find that your a boy, not always though) and stumbled upon one of the random shouters, who, I admit, I initially took for a sex maniac.
The following is the conversation that took place. It has been censored(somewhat) for my more delicate readers.
......So yeah. I've created, and lost track of, Eunuch Man. I apologize if he comes to battle a buxom woman near you.
I've recently been playing around on Omegle. For those unaware, Omegle is a chat site. Specifically it is a place where you chat with strangers. Each chat is entirely randomized and the only names you get are "You" and "Stranger". Unsurprisingly to internet veterans, this means you get a lot of people looking for text sex. You also get people who start a chat, say something weird, get a reaction, and then leave. To be fair, you will find some people just looking for a regular chat, it just might not be on your first connection.
Back to the story at hand, I was going through my fair share of disconnecting horny maniacs (they generally go away if they find that your a boy, not always though) and stumbled upon one of the random shouters, who, I admit, I initially took for a sex maniac.
The following is the conversation that took place. It has been censored(somewhat) for my more delicate readers.
Connecting to server...
You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!
A word of advice: "asl" is boring. Please find something more interesting to talk about!
Stranger: YO MY (Nickname for Richard) IS HARD
Stranger: :D
You: grats
You: now its on fire
You: now ice
You: now fire again
You: , now its cracking
Stranger: O_O_O_O_O_O_O
You: now its made of pudding
Stranger: oooooooooooooo
Stranger: Pudding
You: annnnd now its gone
Stranger: <3
You: the squirrel ran off with the pudding (white whale, first name Moby)
Stranger: GOD (Creates lakes, generates hydroelectric power, and has an N on the end.) NINJA SQUIRRELS
Stranger: †_†
You: indeed
You: sorry for your loss little lady
Stranger: D:<
You: or, you can choose to help the world by becoming what no other has dared: Eunuch Man!!!
Stranger: OHH (FECES) MOTHA (FORNICATE)A!
Stranger: FTW!
Stranger: :D
You: In a world ravaged by evil, yet highly buxom, women, mad with power, only one man can stand up to them without falling for their dastardly charms: Enuch Man!!
Stranger: LMFAO
Stranger: Hahahaahhaha
Stranger: EUNUCH MAN TO TEH RESCUE!
You: Go forth Eunuch Man, and make the world a safer, and less hormone filled place.
Stranger: I WILL NEED A TRUSTIE SIDE KICK!..... I SHALL CALL FORTH HERMAPHRODITIE BOY!
Stranger: I HAVE TO GO, I HAVE A WORLD TO SAVE!
Stranger has disconnected
Stranger has disconnected
......So yeah. I've created, and lost track of, Eunuch Man. I apologize if he comes to battle a buxom woman near you.
Thursday, August 6, 2009
My Family Probably Isn't Average
Ok, I misled in the title somewhat. I'm not going to talk about my whole family in this post. It's more along the lines of one of my brothers, of which there are two besides me, and the older one to be more specific.
Ever since Final Fantasy XI came out, and a webcomic artist I liked started up a guild in it, I had been interested in trying out an MMO. After a bit of research, and given the time frame, I ended up seriously looking at World of Warcraft, which led to its purchase a few days after it came out.
Several years and two expansions later, I'm not playing the game, my older brother and mother are.
Now with the history out of the way I'll get to the meat of things. My brother and one of his guilds use Ventrilo like a lot of players to raid and all that good stuff. A month or so back, for reasons I'm unaware of, someone remarks that my brother can sound a lot like one of the female members when he goes falsetto. This, naturally of course, led to a live song request using that voice. Thus, I find one evening my brother singing a popular Phantom of the Opera duet with himself to the amusement of several people, and later several more as a recording of it went up on you tube.
More naturally than the last progression of events, this led to a whole list of song requests, though now solely to be put up on you tube, which I have had the amused pleasure to witness the recording and practice of. During the most recent of these, it was decided that my brother and I really had to share our.......unusual discussion topics with the same people.
And so, I give you two people being strange for the amusement of ourselves and others.
Ever since Final Fantasy XI came out, and a webcomic artist I liked started up a guild in it, I had been interested in trying out an MMO. After a bit of research, and given the time frame, I ended up seriously looking at World of Warcraft, which led to its purchase a few days after it came out.
Several years and two expansions later, I'm not playing the game, my older brother and mother are.
Now with the history out of the way I'll get to the meat of things. My brother and one of his guilds use Ventrilo like a lot of players to raid and all that good stuff. A month or so back, for reasons I'm unaware of, someone remarks that my brother can sound a lot like one of the female members when he goes falsetto. This, naturally of course, led to a live song request using that voice. Thus, I find one evening my brother singing a popular Phantom of the Opera duet with himself to the amusement of several people, and later several more as a recording of it went up on you tube.
More naturally than the last progression of events, this led to a whole list of song requests, though now solely to be put up on you tube, which I have had the amused pleasure to witness the recording and practice of. During the most recent of these, it was decided that my brother and I really had to share our.......unusual discussion topics with the same people.
And so, I give you two people being strange for the amusement of ourselves and others.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Misleading Movie Title Part 2
Lets remember now, that all this was taking place in my head. I didn't discuss these plot twists with my friend, so this is going on in the space of maybe 2 or 3 minutes as I gather and process the new information. So, did my imagination stop there? Of course not, it was still in Hallmark mode. Beyond that, it was now a Hallmark that can defeat the mean friend through any kind of weird, possibly mystical, methods.
Suddenly, the group of friends encounters the murderer, now made into a separate entity, and together the group realizes that with love and friendship and the power of their bonds to each other, they can get through anything. So they manifest this mighty force of goodness and fight back at the ever nasty one, blinding him and enabling his defeat.
Now I never got any other effects besides blinding at the time, but it occurs to me now that he could be disintegrated, or the evil could be driven from him and destroyed, and the friend made friendly again. But that wouldn't have allowed my mind to continue along a cheesy moral values beats all storyline (with the exception of that made friendly option, though that one is more of a cartoon/anime plot) and end up with the murderer all tied up and unmasked, helpless at the hands of the police and this "circle of friends." He glowers and speaks just before he is taken away.
"I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you kids and your incredible friendship"
at which point everyone around him laughs heartily and they climb into their happy van and drive off.
So yeah, through a terrible series of murders a group of friends learns that their bonds and love for one another can overcome anything. I can think of a couple people who might watch that.
Suddenly, the group of friends encounters the murderer, now made into a separate entity, and together the group realizes that with love and friendship and the power of their bonds to each other, they can get through anything. So they manifest this mighty force of goodness and fight back at the ever nasty one, blinding him and enabling his defeat.
Now I never got any other effects besides blinding at the time, but it occurs to me now that he could be disintegrated, or the evil could be driven from him and destroyed, and the friend made friendly again. But that wouldn't have allowed my mind to continue along a cheesy moral values beats all storyline (with the exception of that made friendly option, though that one is more of a cartoon/anime plot) and end up with the murderer all tied up and unmasked, helpless at the hands of the police and this "circle of friends." He glowers and speaks just before he is taken away.
"I would have gotten away with it too if it weren't for you kids and your incredible friendship"
at which point everyone around him laughs heartily and they climb into their happy van and drive off.
So yeah, through a terrible series of murders a group of friends learns that their bonds and love for one another can overcome anything. I can think of a couple people who might watch that.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Misleading Movie Title
I was talking to a friend the other day, going through the typical small talk that goes on at every conversation, and in response to whether anything interesting had happened, she told me she watched half a movie on Lifetime. Its summer, not everyone can go exploring the wilds of the jungle in search of adventure, so the movie counts as interesting.
She went on to remember the name of the movie, "Circle of Friends". Now, I don't have cable, so I have no clue what stuff that channel shows, but I thought what you are probably thinking. Something with that title on a channel called Lifetime is probably about a bunch of friends, life interferes with happiness of the group, drama ensues, and they discover that their friendship helps them overcome the hardships and everything is solved and happy by the end of the movie.
That would be the expected thing at any rate, but as she continued describing the part of the movie she saw she brought into this hallmark storyline in my head a very strange little plot twist. "Its about murders among a bunch of friends." Yeah, you read it right, murders. Circle of Friends clearly has someone in that group of happy travelers who is not friendly at all, that or has a particularly strange way of expressing this joyful bond.
I never found out whether she saw the first or last half of the movie so I don't know the actual plot of the thing, but the story in my head had gotten pretty strange with this murder theme suddenly bringing the happy bunch to a isolated forest where through stupidity and suspicion everyone gets cut down save for one person, likely a girl, that defeats the killer and escapes to be killed in the next movie.
Tune in next time to see what my imagination cooked up.
She went on to remember the name of the movie, "Circle of Friends". Now, I don't have cable, so I have no clue what stuff that channel shows, but I thought what you are probably thinking. Something with that title on a channel called Lifetime is probably about a bunch of friends, life interferes with happiness of the group, drama ensues, and they discover that their friendship helps them overcome the hardships and everything is solved and happy by the end of the movie.
That would be the expected thing at any rate, but as she continued describing the part of the movie she saw she brought into this hallmark storyline in my head a very strange little plot twist. "Its about murders among a bunch of friends." Yeah, you read it right, murders. Circle of Friends clearly has someone in that group of happy travelers who is not friendly at all, that or has a particularly strange way of expressing this joyful bond.
I never found out whether she saw the first or last half of the movie so I don't know the actual plot of the thing, but the story in my head had gotten pretty strange with this murder theme suddenly bringing the happy bunch to a isolated forest where through stupidity and suspicion everyone gets cut down save for one person, likely a girl, that defeats the killer and escapes to be killed in the next movie.
Tune in next time to see what my imagination cooked up.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Holmes is a psychic moron.
I recently finished a point and click adventure game inspired by one of the Sherlock Holmes books, the box didn't mention which one. In any case, during The Mystery of the Mummy we learn that Holmes can see much better than we can in the dark, he,shackled by the constraints of "one item, few uses", can't seem to light a wick on the pipe that he is always smoking, nor the various identical lamps in the two rooms before the one with another identical lamp that happens to have slightly less stuff near it, and that paranoid professors have a lot of time on their hands. Oh yes, and Mr. Holmes is probably psychic, or at least knows far more than the game allows me to know.
As with most point and click games, there are a lot of items to collect and use. A good game will let you know somehow which objects are important enough to use the items on to get what you need, this one, however, sometimes just lets you strain your eyes, and you will strain them, as you wave items up against every surface you can find in hopes of finding a use for what you find.
On the whole, I think I was just supposed to find stuff for Holmes, not figure things out myself, because his big reveal at the end, while telling me some of the stuff I knew from the clues, also gave away some stuff that I certainly wasn't led to link up.
Also, scorpions require specific buckets to be trapped under, not the first one you pick up, and they will hunt you down like the deadliest ninja when they decide its time to kill you.
As with most point and click games, there are a lot of items to collect and use. A good game will let you know somehow which objects are important enough to use the items on to get what you need, this one, however, sometimes just lets you strain your eyes, and you will strain them, as you wave items up against every surface you can find in hopes of finding a use for what you find.
On the whole, I think I was just supposed to find stuff for Holmes, not figure things out myself, because his big reveal at the end, while telling me some of the stuff I knew from the clues, also gave away some stuff that I certainly wasn't led to link up.
Also, scorpions require specific buckets to be trapped under, not the first one you pick up, and they will hunt you down like the deadliest ninja when they decide its time to kill you.
An admission....of sorts
I'll be straightforward with you all. I'm doing this pretty much for my amusement. If, during the course of entertaining myself, I provide to whoever finds their way here, then so much the better. That said, I don't promise constant updates, but I'll do my best not to starve this place.
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